Things you need to remember
1) There are many others who feel the same way you do
It can often feel as if we are unique and so alone when experiencing fear, vulnerability or rejection. There are many emotions and situations that can leave us feeling like misfits. We berate ourselves with statements such as “Why do I feel like this? I should feel something else…”(happiness, gratitude….fill in the gap). We can become quite egocentric when we struggle. This does not mean we are selfish, it means that we tend to only see things from our point of view and can lose sight of context and perspective.
You need to remember that whatever you are going through, someone, somewhere in the world feels exactly the same way you do. You are not entirely alone. You are not odd or strange, just human like the rest of us.
2) Live life without constantly evaluating
We tend to live life whilst all the while deciding whether our experiences are good or bad. When we see life as good, we can relax and feel we are on track. When we feel life is bad then we are restless and ill at ease. It’s not so much the good and the bad but it’s how we go about evaluating. What exactly makes something good or bad? Have you ever taken the time to define what the universally appropriate definition of these two words might be? The truth is that what might be good for one may be bad for another and vice versa. There can be no universally accepted definition for experiencing these ‘words’. Language can limit our experiences in so many ways. Enjoy life, as it comes to you and trust your emotions rather than intellectualising what should be good or bad. Often, our ideas of good and bad are set by society and this is when we lose our own instinctive leanings. So, do what feels right for you irrespective of what others may think of that same experience. What is good for one does not always apply to another. When we stop evaluating in terms of good or bad we tend to be more accepting of life and happiness becomes easier to achieve. You need to remember that life is what it is…
3) Everyone experiences fear, self doubt and failure
It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea of how everyone else is so successful yet so many things we try tend to not work out. The truth is that it is very rare for someone to try an idea or start a new business and for it to take off immediately. Look at someone you admire and find out more about them. Undoubtedly you will find that they have had failure, rejection and self doubt along the way. Widen your approach to progress and see the first obstacle as a necessary part of the plan. Pat yourself on the back for experiencing life as everyone else does. Welcome to the human race where trials and tribulations are part of the mix.
4) Optimists lead happier lives than pessimists
Why would you want to be a pessimist if it means that your quality of life will be lower? A pessimist mistakenly believes that their cynicism helps keep them safe. Actually, optimists do risk assessments too but they do not dwell on the possible negatives. Pessimists engage in something called cognitive bias – where they look for things that confirm their negative views of the world. The more negativity they witness, the more entrenched their thoughts become. In the end all they see is negativity – a self fulfilling prophecy.
Pessimists tend to miss the positive stuff as they are not open minded to good things. Good things don’t fit their thinking style. Optimism can be learned. Focus on the positives, force yourself to look for good things every day – a smile from a stranger, good weather or a pleasant unexpected surprise. Imagine the opposite and see if you can find evidence to support your more positive thinking. You’ll be amazed at how your world will change!
5) You make more of an impression on others than you’ll ever know
When I first started writing this blog I expected that I would receive a lot of positive feedback regularly. Well, that’s not at all what happened and if I had rigidly believed that, I probably would have given up by now. Despite no feedback either way, I kept writing, six days a week, irrespective of whether many people were reading or none were reading. Some days it was a struggle to keep going but I enjoyed writing and that kept me on the right track. After many months of writing, feedback began to filter in slowly. People would mention reading my blog from the very beginning and would tell me how my blog had made a huge difference to the way they see the world. Wow! Music to my ears. It made me realise that even if I wasn’t getting solid feedback, it didn’t mean that no one was enjoying reading my posts. Not everyone will leave feedback. I regularly read funny tweets on twitter or a friend’s post on Facebook but I don’t always comment. The amount of joy you bring to others is immeasurable. Know this for a fact, there will be so many things you will have done in life that will have made an impact on others – things you will probably never know about. Keep doing what you’re doing…
We all feel scared, unloved, useless, unworthy etc etc at times in our lives. Just because we feel a certain way does not automatically mean it is true. You need to remember that our emotional landscape is often very different from the reality. Remind yourself that you are experiencing life, this is what happens to all of us.
Try to see the funny side, tell yourself that you will be okay and keep on trucking. We’re all in this together…
Mandy X
Photo by Free HDR & Photomanipulations – www.freestock.ca 
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
