Things you don’t need for happiness
Here are things you don’t need for happiness and they will help you to be more aware that life can be simpler and more fun than we realise. . I have found that many people spend inordinate amounts of time focusing on these things that are inane in the grand scheme of things:
To have everyone liking you
You will never be able to please everyone and have acceptance/validation from everyone. It’s a fact of life yet we spend time trying to please others unnecessarily. No one enjoys conflict but it is a waste to believe that you can get everyone to like you. We all want to be popular but that comes naturally when you are happy in yourself.
To have complete certainty
Life is inherently uncertain and the sooner we stop resisting this fact and make uncertainty our friend, the quicker we will experience peace of mind. We can learn to tolerate uncertainty by placing ourselves regularly in situations where the outcome is unknown. The more we do this the more we develop and grow our resilience. Regularly placing ourselves in unfamiliar situations gives us proof that we can cope with uncertainty. Get out of your comfort zone and face uncertainty with a positive attitude. There is nothing to fear. Constantly trying to control your world around will just lead to frustration and exhaustion.
To be in a relationship
Some relationships make us more unhappy than happy yet there is a common idea that being in a relationship is better than being single. The trick about life is that happiness comes from your attitude rather than your circumstances. Happiness is an inside job. It’s what we tell ourselves about a situation that makes us happy or sad. Get to know yourself well. Know your strengths and weaknesses and know what makes you happy and put that at the core of your life. Once you have that stable foundation within you, life becomes easier and the right people will come into your life. You don’t need another person first before happiness will emerge.
Consistent happiness
No one is happy 24/7. Happiness is experienced as a fleeting appreciation in the moment, and then it slips away to a lower level intensity.I was in Los Angeles two months ago and had a fleeting sensation of pure happiness. I was sitting by the pool in the sun with my music playing with a hummingbird buzzing past me every few minutes. The combination of the sun. music and this cute tiny bird made me smile from ear to ear. I love those fleeting moments when life feels really good. Some people believe that they should feel this way all the time but it’s physically impossible for the human brain to operate at that level continuously.
Achievement
Taking time out can create just as much peace and happiness. We are conditioned to believe that we have to be achieving to be happy but I also know people who don’t achieve in the conventional sense who are incredibly content in their lives. The trick is to know yourself rather than comparing yourself with society in general. This can skew your values and true aspirations.
Value as a human being comes from being happy and joyful – you will give off far healthier vibes to the world than if you are a stressed out achiever, doing something that isn’t really for you but that you think you should be doing in order to be seen as a valuable human being. That’s nonsense.
Lots of money
Research has shown that after a certain amount, the level of happiness does not correlate to the amount of money earned. As long as we have enough to eat, live and connect with others, happiness tends to stay quite balanced. I think the approximate amount is around £49 000 per year. See here for more.
Happiness is achievable for everyone – mostly it relies upon your optimistic attitude. That is always a good start. Life is tough at times and being optimistic doesn’t mean you have to always see positives but you can at least reframe a bad incident into something more digestible on an emotional level. For example – instead of catastrophising and thinking the worst, it is possible to find a story to tell yourself that softens the blow.
Mandy X
Photo by Britt Selvitelle 
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
