12 Tips on keeping your shit together
Don’t allow the ‘noise’ of others to interfere with your goals and where you need to be. When you feel like you need to get your sh*t together, tune in to your inner wisdom. Your instincts are there for a reason – to guide you. It’s when I have ignored my inner wisdom that I have gone ‘off track’.
Rumination is a big fat waste of energy. By all means, plan ahead and make risk assessments but spending too much time worrying will do you no good. We all catastrophise (think of the worst case scenario), assume we know what others are thinking, focus only on the negative stuff in our lives and predict the future negatively but none of these are useful. There is no evidence for a lot of the thoughts that we think but we think them anyway and they create unncecessary anxiety.
Turn down the volume of the fearful thoughts and live life anyway. Go forth with your plans and don’t let fear stop you from doing what you want to. Say what you need to say, don’t play games. Being straight forward in life can save a lot of hassle.
Act as if
Even if you don’t feel it, act strong. The more your behaviour is in line with someone who is self confident, the quicker you will get to that reality. When you spend too much time living out the stress in your life, the longer it will take you to heal. Visualise how someone you admire would behave in your siutation. How would they respond? What would their body language be like?
Wallow if you must but put a time limit on it
Grieving is important if you have recently gone through a breakup or if you lost something important to you. Experiencing the emotions helps us to move on from the trauma but playing the victim for too long will keep you stuck. Allow yourself some time-put from life. Sleep more than normal and dig into that ice cream a little but after that, dust yourself off and get back to doing things and living life.
If you find your thoughts keep going back to the upsetting event/experience, allow yourself time to worry later in the day and get back to the task at hand. This trains you to focus on more helpful things. Usually you will find that when your ‘worry time’ arrives later in the day you won’t need to worry.
Believe in yourself
When we experience a set back it can knock us sideways. During this time, your thinking is very likely to be distorted. You may lose your self confidence or begin to doubt your reality. This is when you need to focus on your strengths and speak to yourself in a kind compassionate way.
It can be incredibly difficult to champion yourself and be your number one fan when you feel rejected or let down but this is when you need to back yourself the most.
Keep positive affirmations around you to remind you that you won’t always feel this way and that you absolutely will get back to feeling great again.
Find a purpose
When Austrian Psychologist, Viktor Frankl, was put in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II he realised that those who had a purpose survived longer than those who don’t. Viktor Frankle survived the wat but lost his everything suring this time. His vision of seeing his family at the end kept him moitvated to survive.
Take it one day at a time
You don’t need to know your life’s purpose right now. Take it one day at a time and show yourself kindness and compassion as you would someone you deeply cared about.
Keep your eyes on the final goal, then break down this goal into smaller, achievable steps, so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.”
Take responsibility for things you can control, accept what you can’t
Focus your energy on what you can control – your words and your actions. The weather, the future, other people – leave that out.
Personalising is when we blame ourselves for things that aren’t within our control. A lot of what happens in life is completely impersonal yet the need to reference oneself in nearly every situation is a deeply ingrained habit. If you step back and see that much of what goes on has nothing to do with you, it can free you from this trap of over-personalizing, which leads to stress and anxiety.
Don’t ‘need’ – want
We all want to be liked. We all want approval. Problems arise when we start needing it- when we cannot function without it.
Mentally strong people want everything everyone else on this planet wants. They just don’t need it.
See the past as valuable training and nothing more
Don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on the past. Instead, write down what you’ve learned, objectives, and how to avoid pitfalls in the future. This usually works much better than wallowing. It is a great resilience tactic as well.
Balance emotions with logic
Mentally strong people understand how their emotions can influence their thinking. In an effort to make the best decisions possible, they balance their emotions with logic. Listen to your “wise mind” – the overlap between the emotional and the rational brain.
Life has a way of setting us back every now and then but believe that life can and will get better again. Keep the faith…