Understanding human behaviour is a life long quest of mine. I enjoy looking for typical patterns of behaviour as well as the common causes of unusual and destructive behaviour and thinking. Why do humans self sabotage? Why do humans commit suicide when it goes against our very struggle for survival? Are we suited to the current structure in the world where there is very little cohesion and it seems many are out for themselves? So many questions…I will make a list of what I have learned through uncovering the inner emotional states of many clients:
1) Denial is widespread
We have all learned ways to fool ourselves and justify our own behaviour. I have witnessed men who physically abuse their wives telling me stories of how they cannot understand a man who has an affair. It is interesting to see how a man can justify physical violence but find deceit appalling. I have also witnessed people who tell themselves stories that are so far from the reality yet they do this to cope with reality. Unfortunately, denial doe snot fix the problem. We cannot resolve something if we do not acknowledge it’s existence.
2) Fear is universal
We all have a fear of something. It could be an irrational fear such as a phobia of spiders or it could be a fear of being alone. Fear paralyses us and promotes wasted opportunities. Often, the fear is worse than the event but for those who give in to the imagine fear, the battle is won and the fear remains in place.
3) We all want peace of mind
We all want peace of mind but have no clue how to find it. The keys to peace of mind involve centering yourself, cutting out the noise from the world (such as the news, doom and gloom), not comparing to others and finding your own path. What do you want to achieve during your time here on earth? What is important to you and are you getting time to tend to what it important to you? When we dilute our focus by allowing too much influence from outside, we lose our way and our chance for peace of mind.
4) Most of us feel misunderstood
Do you ever feel like you are on the outside looking in? If you do, you are among many. Many of us experience times when we feel alone and misunderstood. We feel that we are somehow different to the billions of others on the planet. We are set apart. The truth is we are never alone, there will undoubtedly be someone, somewhere who feels the same as you. Others get you more than you think. There is an underlying universal understanding that exists, that keeps us all connected.
5) Our parents influence us our entire lives
Parents play a huge part in the success of our later lives. This does not mean that we have not control over our lives as adults but understanding how our upbringings may help or hinder us is crucial in moving forward and getting the most out of our lives. Many parents do not realise the massive impact they have upon their children – spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
6) Many lack self belief
If we all believed in ourselves more, this world would be hurtling forward at an incredible pace. We would grab opportunities irrespective of self doubt, we would live out of our comfort zones regularly and would champion ourselves much more than we do now. Self belief decreases when we compare ourselves unfavourably to others, believe others know better, are better or could do better.
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
