We judge ourselves differently to how we judge others




We spend our lives judging ourselves and others yet we use a different criteria for ourselves and for others. It all depends on your viewpoint and your attitude as well as your background and upbringing.

Some people, especially those with low self esteem tend to give more leeway to others than to themselves. They mistakenly assume that others are more knowledgeable and more capable than they are. There is a distorted set of beliefs that affects their method of judging themselves and others. People suffering from depression also tend to employ this type of distortion – they tend to attribute good fortune to luck and misfortune to their own errors yet when it comes to others they tend to see others as more capable than they really are. This type of thinking can lead a person into deeper depression.

Narcissists, on the other hand, find it difficult to empathise with others and put themselves at the forefront of all decisions. Often, their motivation is “what’s in it for me?” Narcissists tend to judge themselves more favourably than others. They see themselves as superior and more capable than they really are. Again,this will distort their ability to judge objectively. They will base their judgements on incorrect assumptions which means their view on the world will not accurately reflect what is really going on.

Then there are others who seem to be in complete denial and lack self awareness. They are delusional in their thinking and twist everyday occurrences to fit their twisted ideas. These are probably the most dangerous type of person. Their thinking is so rigid that even when confronted with direct evidence to the contrary, they will persist in attaching to their rigid beliefs. The reality is probably just too threatening for them to take on board. This can be harmless if it doesn’t affect anyone else but when it affects others (as it usually does), major problems can occur.

Someone who is not thinking in a healthy way  may begin to retreat even further into their fantasy world, creating scenarios and ideas in their minds that do not exist in the real world. The greater the fantasy, the more desperate the person becomes to protect that fantasy. They judge others and the world in terms of their fantasies and eventually, when the fantasy is no longer sustainable, a trauma or crisis may arise.

It can also be a very lonely place to be when we are so disconnected from others and the world. It becomes difficult to bond and connect with others when we seldom share the same experience. Healthy thinkers and unhealthy thinkers very rarely share the same mental landscape.

The next time you judge someone, ask yourself whether it is coming from a healthy place within you. If the judging leaves you angry, bitter or frustrated it is most likely coming from an unhealthy place.

Ultimately, you need to focus on your own behaviour rather than what others are doing. You cannot control others – how they think, feel or act. Accept what you cannot change and limit time with people who drain you emotionally. Strive for a life of integrity, where you practise what you preach and look at your own behaviour before judging others.


Mandy X