From the moment we are born, the world tries to disconnect us from our essential selves. Our essential self is the true version of ourselves within us. The person we were born to be. The character that we are born with. This character is eroded by society and expectations from others. As soon as we can understand language we begin to hear the word “no”. We learn pretty fast that there are many many things we are not allowed to do. We learn to conform and let go of our dreams.
As a result, we end up losing our true passions and calling in life. It is possible though to find your way back to your essential self. Here are ways to try figure out what you want and what makes you happy:
1) Think about what you used to love when you were younger. Were you quiet or did you enjoy being around others? Were you creative or more practical? This may give you an inkling to your natural talents.
2) When was the last time you felt really happy? What were you doing? Who were you with?
3) Have you ever experienced a time when you were doing something and the time just flew by? This is when you are ‘in the zone’ and fully engaged. Try to recreate this experience as often as you can.
4) Complete these sentences without thinking too much about the answer:
I wish that_________________________________
I hope that________________________________
If only I had the courage I would_______________
Something I miss doing is_____________________
Something I wish I had more time for is___________
In order to truly figure out what you need to make you happy, you need to look within. It is an answer that comes from inside you, not from someone else or from a geographical location. Home is within you and this is where the answers lie.
Take time out, spend time alone with your thoughts. Make notes, get to know yourself better. Drown out the noise of others. When you are doing something, get into the habit of asking yourself whether you are doing it because you love it or because it is expected of you? We all have to engage in activities that are expected of us but often there is an imbalance and we live our lives more for others than for ourselves. Address this imbalance and restore equilibrium.
Focus on you and your future and how you would like it to be. It’s not okay to become completely selfish and self-absorbed but when visualising a life that you would love, it is important to to break your thinking down and consider your true leanings before including others in your life. Compromise when implementing comes later.
Too often, we lead manic lives and we never stop to take a health check on our progress. Do we like who we are? Do we like who we’ve become? Are we still on track towards the dreams we had? Those that don’t take the time to do a brief check up can end up so far from where they intended to be and getting back on track is that much harder when we don’t regularly take time out to consider the important stuff in life like:
-who we spend our time with
-how much time we spend actually enjoying ourselves
-how much time we spend doing chores and duties. the necessary basic stuff that we all need to do in order to get by
-recognising our strengths and weaknesses and incorporating these into our goals and plans
Have fun, make the most of each day. That’s my advice to you. Don’t live as though you expect to live until you’re old and grey. Live as though each day might be your last. This will help introduce perspective and fine tune your ideas of what makes you happy. If you were told you only had three months to love, what would you change?
Try to implement those changes now and enjoy every day. You never know what’s around the corner.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
