Mental health, emotional wellbeing & personal development

What narcissists don’t want you to know

What narcissists don’t want you to know

I came across this brilliantly written article on narcissism. Had to copy it – very accurate!

The article refers to the narcissist as “he” but narcissism affects females too.

 

The narcissist does not want you to know that if he does not receive a virtually ceaseless stream of attention he will literally be in serious jeopardy.

The narcissist does not want you to know that most of his emotions are negative in orientation.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when you receive accolades, he feels envy and anger rather than happiness for your good fortune.

The narcissist does not want you to know how little you mean to him.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he will be sure to expect you to show him deference and common courtesy at all times; however, he will seemingly be unaware of the fact that he will consistently treat you rudely and thoughtlessly.

The narcissist does not want you to know that how he feels about you at any given time is significantly impacted by your last interaction with him.

The narcissist does not want you to know he can not emotionally attach.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when you met him, he was likely in the last stages of the devaluation process of some soon to be former significant other.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when he gives you the “heave ho,” someone will be immediately be coming on board who is in the position you are right now.

The narcissist does not want you know that he can look you right in the eye and say, “I am monogamous”even though he in fact has sketchy side relationships.

The narcissist does not want you to know how much he respects your intelligence.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he will accept your steady flow of compliments; however, it will not dawn on him that perhaps it would be appropriate every so often to acknowledge your talents and strengths.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he zealously accuses you of cheating in an effort to make you think to yourself, “the narcissist in my life would not cheat, after all, no one who asserts that cheating is so utterly reprehensible would have the nerve or gall to be cheaters themselves.”

The narcissist does not want you to know how much he respects your ability to get along with others.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he will insist that you should always be sensitive to his feelings and needs; however, he will be utterly insensitive to yours.

The narcissist does not want you to know how much he respects your judgement.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when he gives you the “heave ho,” the reason for the commencement of said “heave ho” protocol will not be due to anything you did wrong.

The narcissist does not want you to know how talented you are.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he is going to deem any criticism of him whatsoever to be out of line and unwarranted regardless of how well meaning it is; however, he will believe he is entitled to criticize you about any and all issues no matter how negligible.

The narcissist does not want you to know at any given time you are not in the monogamous relationship that had agreed upon; rather, you are merely one source of attention amidst often many others.

The narcissist does not want you to know how that there are times he is astounded by the fact you know him as well as you do.

The narcissist does not want you to know that at times he is stupefied by the fact you have allowed yourself to be fooled by his trickery and deceit.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he does not understand it’s a small world and your friends have interfaced with him on porn and/or dating sites.

The narcissist does not want you to know how charismatic you are.

The narcissist does not want you to know that if you are happy for anything whatsoever that is unrelated to him, he becomes angry/threatened.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when he tells you he is going to change he is aware said changes are likely not going to take place.

The narcissist does not want you to know that although his behavior often seems arbitrary, in actuality, the narcissist always makes a concerted effort to be many moves ahead you.

The narcissist does not want you to know you are lovable.

The narcissist does not want you to know that you have power.

The narcissist does not want you to know you have control.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he is aware that the “push-pull” tactic is meant to keep you psychologically off balance.

The narcissist does not want you to know when he projects his shortcomings on to you, his projection of his weaknesses is not done subconsciously but rather frequently is a conscious choice to shift blame/accountability.

The narcissist does not want you to know that many of his mean-spirited behaviors are a test to see how devoted to him you are or are not.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when he says, “stop being a victim,” he is projecting as he is prone to assert that he himself is victimized by others.

The narcissist does not want you to know that most of his waking thoughts concern his pathological need to obtain attention from outside sources.

The narcissist does not want you to know that the person you met is not really his true self. It was an act.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he keeps an eye on you from afar.

The narcissist does not want you to know that you are part of a “what’s in for me” equation.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he does not perceive you to be an individual with your own feelings and concerns.

The narcissist does want you to know that he feels every interaction he has with you is a competition.

Post idealization phase, the narcissist does not want you to know that when you are not in his line of site, he believes you are either cheating on him or “up to no good” in one way or another.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he does not have a conscience.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he feels that whatever can go wrong will go wrong.

The narcissist does not want you to know that if you give your attention to anyone other than him he will resent you for it.

The narcissist does not want you to know that all of the suffering his abusive caregiver’s unjustly inflicted on him, he himself is, in turn, going to try to inflict on you.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he does not subscribe to the adage your good fortune is my good fortune.

The narcissist does not want you know that the better you treat him, the worse he will treat you.

Post idealization phase, the narcissist does not want you to know whenever he notices you have had a particularly good time, he will be certain to try to undermine your happiness.

The narcissist does not want you know that anytime you show emotion he will perceive that as a sign of weakness.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he does not practice what he preaches.

The narcissist does want you to know that when he gets sick he will expect you to dote on him without reservation. However, when you get sick, he is going to resent you for being ill — especially if it inconveniences him in any way.

The narcissist does not want you to know he uses the Internet to meet others unbeknownst to you.

The narcissist does not want you to know that one of the reasons he sought you out is because you subscribe to the notion that not only personal but also relationship integrity is important to uphold.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he believes putting an emphasis on relationship integrity makes you easier to manipulate

The narcissist does not want you to know that he wishes that integrity was part of his outward false self persona.

The narcissist does not want you to know that in roughly three to six months from the day your relationship started, he will likely have a pathological need to diminish your self-esteem.

The narcissist does not want you to know that absolutely nothing you say is taken at face value.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when you do anything nice for him his first instinct is think your act of kindness is merely a ploy to manipulate him.

The narcissist does not want you to know that when good things happen to anyone other than himself, he will resent that person– regardless of who that person is.

The narcissist does not want you to know he is always keeping his options open for a “better deal.”

The narcissist does not want you to know that when you are with him he does not want any perspective attention sources to know you are around —let alone that you exist.

The narcissist does not want you to know about the deep pain he felt when he got the silent treatment, or he was made to feel as if he was ignored.

During the idealization phase, the narcissist does not want you to know that he is likely going to utilize the silent treatment and ghosting tactics on you.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he resents you because he thinks– you think –you are better than he is.

The narcissist does not want you to know that the day your relationship with him began, he is looking for evidence that you ….

•lie

•cheat

•steal

The narcissist does not want you to know that he is going to store this “evidence,” if any, and, at some later date, when you catch him pulling some relationship transgression he will trot out the the stored “evidence” as a means by which deflect away from the topic concerning his wrong doing.

The narcissist does not want you to know that if he meets a “better” fuel provider, he will likely dump you and “trade up.” In other words, if he can avoid an alleged attention gap, he will swap you out for the allegedly “better” fuel source.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he felt virtually certain your relationship was doomed to fail the day it began.

The narcissist does not want you to know that he knows much more about his narcissistic tendencies than he is willing to admit.

The narcissist does not want you to know he likely has been told throughout his life that he only thinks about “me, me, me.”

 

Source: https://www.quora.com/What-dont-narcissists-want-you-to-know