What not to do in a new relationship

1. Don’t play games

It’s hard not to play games in the beginning, especially as there is usually a lot more insecurity in the relationship. When you are getting to know someone, it can be exciting but also nerve wracking. Try to be honest and straight forward instead of being someone else. Don’t play games – start the relationship as you want it to continue.

2. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not

It goes without saying that we are all on best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship but don’t alter your personality drastically. It will be impossible to keep up if the relationship progresses. If you love music, don’t pretend not to. If they love sport, don’t lie and say you love sport…be brave and own who you are – your likes and dislikes. You’ll be more respected for being yourself and having your own views and interests.

3. Don’t behave in a needy, clingy manner

Confidence is extremely attractive. Even if you feel insecure or inferior, don’t let the other person know too much in the beginning. It can be extremely off putting. Slight self deprecation can be endearing but if you constantly go on about how you can’t see why they are dating you, the quicker you will probably end up single again. See yourself as a wonderful ‘package’ that anyone would be lucky to have around.

4. Don’t be too intense

Take it slow in the beginning. If it’s going to go the distance, it will whether you see each other 24/7 or if you only see each once or twice a week. There’s a saying “Fast in, fast out” and it tends to be true. Enjoy the rest of your life and don’t make the new person the main focus in your life to the exclusion of everything else.

5. Don’t make it all about sex

Yep, sex is a big deal in the beginning but be sure to also get to know the other person. Try not to hook up just for sex and very little else unless that’s all you’re after. If you like the other person enough to want a relationship with them, make sure you sometimes just hang out together. You don’t have to have sex every time. Besides, not doing it now and then makes the anticipation for the next time a little more exciting!

6. Don’t say “I love you” too soon

“Too soon” is a bit of a moot point…but don’t blurt it out within the first month at least. Trust your instincts and say it when it feels right. Loving someone is a big deal don’t use the word frivolously.

7. Don’t try to please at the expense of yourself

We all want to make a good impression but don’t try too hard. Let the other person know you like them, even miss them…but don’t turn your whole life upside down to fit in with them. If you have a pottery class or photography class to go to, don’t cancel it for your new beau. Show them that as much as you like them, you are still grounded and have others things going on too.

8. Don’t stay guarded

Be aware of emotional walls and barriers that you may have up and learn to risk it a bit in love. Say that you would like to see them again or that you had a lovely time. You like to feel needed and wanted and so does everyone else.

New relationships are exciting, the hormones are raging, it can feel like the same feeling you had as a child waiting for Santa to deliver the presents but keep your wits about you!

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.