Mandy quoted in More! magazine 13 November 2012 issue: Mandy X All names have been…
What’s stopping you?
Do you have an idea of how your ideal life would look? Would you have a great job that you loved? Be in love? Travel around the world? Whatever your dreams or goals, have you achieved them?
Research suggests that the majority of us never quite get there. The main reasons for this come down to our self-limiting beliefs. Do you fear failure and never attempt to reach your goals? I have put together a list of the main reasons that stop people from getting what they want out of life.
Fear of failure
Fear of failure is a major block in people’s minds. If you overthink what could go wrong, you might never take the first step. What a tragedy. Imagine what you might try if you knew you couldn’t fail? You must ask yourself what is SO bad about failure? Your idea of failure is crucial in how you will deal with the prospect of failing. If you see failure as the worst thing possible, it seems logical that you will do whatever it takes to avoid failing. If you see failure as a necessary part of life, you’ll be far happier to approach failure and deal with it.
Sef-compassion is an excellent antidote to failure. When you treat yourself kindly and understand that failure doesn’t mean that YOU are a failure; rather than whatever you tried failed, you will be better placed mentally and emotionally to forge ahead.
Re-assess your ideas and beliefs on failure and push through your fear. I would rather try and fail than never try at all. To me, not trying at all is failing myself and my missing out on opportunities.
Lack of self-belief
Self-belief is powerful. You could have all the talent necessary to succeed, but if you don’t believe in yourself that talent is wasted. Consider the disadvantages of not believing in yourself. The implications are vast. The people that will get ahead will be those that believe in themselves despite the nay-sayers. Self-belief can be hard to hold onto when there are so many people ready to judge but you have to rise above this. Be realistic about your strengths but if you feel you have a talent, invest in yourself. Write a list of your strong points and leave it in your fridge where you see it every day. Minimise your weaknesses and maximise your strengths. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.
An external source
Is someone or something stopping you? Analyse the source – is it in your best interests? If someone is stopping you, understand their motivation. Are they considering your best interests? If someone cares about you, they will want you to live your best life as far as is possible. Speak to friends to get a better perspective.
If it’s something such as a lack of knowledge or lack of funding, it’s time to brain-storm and problem-solve. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Sometimes you have to be patient and work towards a goal, but keep at it – baby steps will get you there. Never give up on what is important to you.
Lack of time
If it’s important to you, you will find the time. Period. Why are you making excuses? If you work full time and can only attend to what you really want to do when you have spare time, you can still allocate time to work towards what you want. It may take longer but you’ll still be going in the right direction. People often use the excuse of having no time because, secretly underneath, they are afraid of failure or don’t believe in themselves enough.
Change the way you think about yourself and your abilities. By all means, listen to the advice others give as it can be useful. But ultimately, use all that knowledge to inform your decisions that will be in your best interests.
I would rather look back and see many failures than wish I had tried more things that I feared. Regret is something you can avoid by getting started today.