The narcissist suffered a mental split when they were young. No matter what occurred (abuse, neglect, abandonment), the child faced a period of hatred. Hatred of self and hatred of others. At that point, the false self emerged. The false self is their dragon, their protector, their shield to a cruel and uncaring world.
Imagine: You are very young with a parent (god) towering over them. God is telling them to shut up, that they are making ‘god’ angry, that they are stupid, that ‘god’ wishes they never were born, and the like. The parent clearly has their own disordered problems to treat a child with such contempt. Contempt that later comes out on you, the partner, during a discard.
The sense of entitlement is bore out of necessity. They are in charge now. They endured what the common people did not. They are better because of it. They hate their peers who came from loving homes and easy upbringings. You don’t deserve your privileged life after what they endured. All the bitterness and anger is kept behind the facade – Dr. Jekyll.
Low self-esteem of the narcissist
The entitlement is really retribution for a shitty life. The inability to accept that life is cruelly unfair.
To some extent, many of us can relate on a smaller scale.
- Think about the work project you heavily invested your time and energy into with full commitment and then, you helplessly watch your selfish boss take all the credit. How does that make you feel? Angry? Resentful? Hateful? What if you decide ALL BOSSES cannot ever be trusted again?
The next project, you carry a sense of entitlement that no one is going to take advantage of you again at work. You deserve all the credit before even starting (entitlement). The new unsuspecting boss has no idea what is coming:
- At first, you are the model employee. Laughing at their jokes. Telling them how impressed you are with their degrees and experience. You offer to work late. You email and text on the weekends. You create a bond of trust with your boss (Love-bombing)
- After catching the boss laughing in the break room with your peer, the tactics change quickly despite not even understanding or hearing the conversation
- You start acting haughty and bored in the project meetings (peacocking)
- You secretly keep your progress to yourself (subversion, lying)
- You deftly smear your new boss to your colleagues with little hints to watch their backs and that you heard rumors
- You purposely work slower to cause the boss embarrassment over a missed deadline and blame it on a team member behind their back (triangulation)
- You lie to your boss that their management style is causing team undo stress (gaslighting). You’re disappointed.
- You secretly have coffee with a manager from a different department and inquire, casually of course, on their openings (cheating)
Narcissists lack empathy
Now, imagine all of this on a life-wide scale. Welcome to the world of a narcissist. Everyone in their world is part of the problem. Life is grossly unfair. No one else is worthy of their love. They are entitled to anything and everything coming to them despite the means.
It’s because they have all this hot lava of hate brewing in their souls. Whatever they project to the world is a lie. They hate us all deep down. We never had to go through their pain. Yes, they are very, very dangerous people, but they are also very, very damaged. Life does not go well even if they manage material success or escape growing into responsible adults. They cannot satiate themselves ever.
Avoid these damaged people at all cost.
Courtesy of: Steve Holmes