Why ‘people pleasing’ is bad for you

Is it important to you to be well liked and accepted by others? Most people would agree that they want to be liked by others. The trouble starts however, when we go out of our way to please others, often at the expense of ourselves. When we try too hard or put other people’s needs ahead of our own constantly, we can end up creating more trouble than we think we are avoiding.

People pleasers can be seen as too nice

Others will take advantage of someone who is too nice, gives too much and who tries too hard to be accepted. No one likes a needy person and those that try too hard show others than they do  not think highly of themselves as a person. No one respects a wimp.

You sell yourself short by trying to please others

People pleasers give off the message that they are not as important as other people. They seem weak within themselves, needing the reassurance of others to feel good about themselves. Sure, it’s wonderful to help others and be charitable but do it on your own terms. Do it because you want to help someone else, not because you want that other person to like you – big difference.

People pleasers dilute their own focus

Pleasing others often means satisfying their needs on some level. When we engage in this behaviour too much, we can start to live for the convenience of others and forget our own needs in the process.

Ask yourself whether helping someone else out works for you too. If it doesn’t, resentment will build up. We all need to compromise and negotiate but do not mix this up with keeping others happy just to keep the peace.

Getting the balance right between helping others out, meeting their needs and looking to meet your own needs can be tricky. As long as you check the reasons behind your motivation, you should be able to reduce people pleasing behaviours and offer good things back to the world and to others when it works for you and not only when it works for others.

Mandy X

Photo by briandeadly

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.