You’re not being true to yourself
Are you living a life that you are proud of or have you been settling for less? We do this sometimes because we fear the alternative but in the long run, settling for what we know isn’t truly going to make us happy will eat away at us. It can lead to self critical thinking and self loathing. Are you in a job that isn’t what you truly want to do or are in you a relationship that deep-down you know isn’t good for you.
You’re not pushing yourself as much as you could
When we feel we are letting ourselves down it can feel as if we are living a ‘half-life’. This can cause self critical thinking and we tend to often be our own worst enemies. Most of us are harder ton oursleves than anyone else could be.
You’re not looking after yourself enough
When we don;t engage in self care and let ourselves ‘go’, we can end up feeling that we aren’t good enough. I have battled with low self esteem and havew gone through times when I couldn’t see anything good about me. Everyone else seemed prettier, thinner and more competent than me. Instead of championing my self and using self compassion, I would chatsise myself for not being all the things i felt I should be. It’s hard to love yourself when you know all your faults and constantly see other women who look gorgeous or younger. Plus we have media images to contend with. It can be tough liking what we have and how we look. A high percentage of people (more woment ahn men) feel unhappy with some part of their body/appearance.
You’re not standing up for what you believe in
Not standing up for what you believe in sends a subtle message to yourself that you are taking the easy way out. It’s another way in which we can feel we are letting ourselves down. There are so many reasons why we don’t stand up for what we believe in. It may go against the grain and we all like to fit in. Being unpopular can be a consequence of standing up for what we believe in and that adds stress to our already stressful lives. We are all very busy too and these important values can get sidelined in favour of an ‘easy’ life. the problem with that is, we chug along and invariably end up disappointed in ourselves for not living according to our values. research shohws that those who live according to their values tend to be happier and more grounded as individuals. Strong values lead to a stronger sense of meaning and purpose.
You’re not dealing with stress effectively
When we feel angry and fed up, we tend yto become more angry and resentful and we can end up taking out our frustrations on others. We all like to see ourselves as good people and when we behave in a way that isn’t in line with how we see ourselves, it can cause self critical thoughts.
A 2018 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, revealed that individuals with low self-esteem are more likely to seek indirect support–like sulking, whining, or displaying sadness in an effort to get support.
Ironically, those strategies tend to backfire and are more likely to prompt a negative reaction from their partners.
When their bids to get support aren’t effective, individuals with low self-esteem are more likely to believe their partners are unresponsive to their needs.
If you have low self-esteem it’s important to recognize the ways in which you might be inadvertently sabotaging yourself. Some of your short-term strategies that are meant to protect you from pain may actually cause you more distress in the long-term.
Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
